My Little One Has Arrived!

My Lil Caleb's Anthropometric Measurements
Caleb a few hours after his birth
 After nine long months of waiting, HE, my cherub, my little one, my new man, has finally arrived. On the fateful day of September 25, at exactly twenty seven minutes past one o'clock in the afternoon, Caleb Hendrik greeted the world with his cries. And so as one Indian saying goes, "When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced..." Surely, everyone was elated upon his arrival.
Caleb on oxygen inhalation
  However, his first few hours was not easy. He was distressed that necessitated for oxygen inhalation and other contraptions. At a very early age, he had to undergo tests and endure numerous needle pricks. It was indeed a pity knowing all these things should happen to such a powerless, helpless little creature. Worst of all, I couldn't take him home with me when I was advised with an MGH (may go home) order.

  So far, he has been doing good. His sucking improved. His color is turning pinkish. His abnormal breath sounds almost gone. He just needs to complete treatment before he can be finally sent home.

My Little Henry: The Love of My Heart, The Soul of My Soul , The Light of My Life

A New Mom's Thought 
Holding your own flesh and blood for the very first time stirs up this emotional joy inside. I could not exactly name it. I'm not even sure if anyone has already come up with a term to name it. As I cradle Caleb into my own arms, I thought to myself, all of nine months now, he is everything I wanted, he is everything a cherub in heaven would look like. So, it must be true...that, once you finally see your child, you'd forget all discomforts and pains you have experienced and encountered during your pregnancy and delivery. Caleb is my bundle of joy.

Sleeping, he looks so tiny and helpless. I can't help but feel the need to protect him from everything vile and wicked. :) I would want him to feel that his Momma would always be nearby for him.

Every time I look down at his tiny face, I wish that I could assure him of a life that's easy and happy. But, I know the truth - that life can't always be that way. All I can do is be behind his every step, catch him on every fall, welcome him back when he goes astray, love him unconditionally. We hope to teach him to be strong so that he can rely on his own strength and learn to depend on himself.



Almost

During the past few months I had always found myself wandering - both in thought and physically. I had always the itch to go somewhere, and do something. I felt so discontented with everything. But if truth be told, I was discontented with myself - above all. And so I often ask myself, Is this depression during pregnancy? I really would not know because I am the one in the situation. I cannot see myself.

Two more months to go and the real challenge will begin - motherhood. I decided that I will enjoy the pregnancy while it lasts. I conditioned my mind to stay away from drama and other emotional baggages, even if that means that I have to appear uncaring of other things. I am telling myself that I will make it. A lot has changed and the changes can not be reverted back easily, no matter how one wants to. That is, if one is willing to. 

But, just when I started enjoying, embraced the fact that I am pregnant, accepted that life is unfair, and had let go of useless troubles that had always bogged my mind, I was again faced with the threat of delivering my little one prematurely. Who's to blame? I don't really know. It does not really matter. Now, whoever said that "Wow, you look so carefree even when you're pregnant". Here's a word: It's all appearance. There's no reality in it. I look carefree because I want to appear carefree, not because I am. 

Because my little one's well being had been almost put in jeopardy, I know I am done with enjoyment. I don't care about pleasures at all. What is pleasure when I will be putting my little one into an ordeal? 


To my little one:

Sorry and hang on there. 
I love you with all my heart and being.
Let's both be strong.
We're in this together.
Fighting!

Momma